February 2012
16 posts
10 tags
Agent's Log: Players Gotta Play
I don’t think Kaliyo likes my style. She’s all into killing people and doing what she wants. I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to serve the empire and save lives at the same time. But I’m glad she likes it when I fool around. I had to get some information out of Tlan but I only came across her secretary. I was surprised what a little Chiss chubby can do. And I...
9 tags
Agent's Log: Fucking Nar Shaddaa
Today I arrived on Nar Shaddaa. The planet’s full of gangsters and thugs, and right away the Imperials are telling me to sabotage this and stop that. It is just an awful place. Then this Watcher X is telling me to score him some drugs and find out where they are coming from. The shit the empire makes em do. I don’t want to run around scum filled streets sniping drug runner after drug...
12 tags
Agent's Log: What I Did On Balmorra
So I had sex with Darth Lachris yesterday. At least it was implied that I did. Knowing a sith lord though she might have made me eat her out then just threw me to the curb. Made me wear a chindo or whatever Adam from workaholics had to wear when he was banging that owner lady. and being a loyal spy I did it because contacts are contacts you never know who you’re gonna need.
Oh I’m...
2 tags
Tank Blog Good Email
I made a Tank Blog Good email which is conveniently TankBlogGood@gmail.com So if you have any questions about me or what me to talk about a topic feel free to email. I doubt I’ll check it that often though and I doubt anyone will say anything but it doesn’t hurt to have it. Also read that Role model post it’s funny. At least the end of it.
14 tags
Assignment: Who's your role model?
I’ve been day dreaming about what I’d do with my lottery winnings for the past week. Man I really want to win the lottery. People say they would still work and shit even after they won the lottery and I guess I would but the work I would do would be just making art and not giving a fuck about selling it. Just making it and putting it out there and probably giving it away.
For example...
15 tags
Science Through My Eyes
Hey Ms. Twilight (aka what’s her face who wrote it) I actually like something you wrote. Not sure if this has been said before. I’m gonna guess probably but check this quote. Ok well I can’t find the quote and I’m sick of looking but Edward brings up the fact that he is the perfect predator. He’s an irresistibly attractive man and Bella just wants to fall asleep in...
15 tags
In A World With Real Vampires
Were there vampires in Harry Potter? Because there were definitely werewolves. And there was some werewolf romance except it was done a lot better because obviously a creature that uncontrollably would morph into a wolf could not help itself in wolf form. Unlike some silly Twilight books.
Why the hell don’t those vampires want to eat people anyway? We just want to fit in and be doctors and...
13 tags
Political Ad for Internet Money
Imagine how much shit I could think up if I got paid for it. Like so much. So tell your friends to read Tank Blog Good, because even if it doesn’t get me paid I’ll do it more if more people care. Like the last posts I put up I got my regular small amount of traffic and I liked it so I’m posting now just because. So if you read more I’ll post more and everyone will be...
10 tags
Commander in Troll: In a world with trolls where...
If trolls were they trolled under bridges and ate people I think Minneapolis would be a much smaller town. And you can forget about calling Minneapolis and St. Paul the twin cities. They’d be the cities divided by trolls. Like you’d have to bring a box of rats as bait so that the trolls would grab at the box and let you go because sure there were people there but who knows what could...
8 tags
My Phone Hath Broketh
My phone done broke. Stupid phone I’ve had it for three months or maybe four but come on don’t stop working that soon. I got business to handle and bitches to holla at and you’re telling me my phone isn’t lasting three maybe four months. I lost track but still it’s not that long. If I had known this company was going to offer a deal on this shitty phone I would have...
18 tags
Some Rant about Local Music and Other Stuff
Drunk blogs are more fun right? Especially when I’m wearing a bad poncho and a stupid cowboy hat. And I may be lying or I may be telling the truth you don’t know how I spend my midnight of V day. Anyway This post may happen a day or two after the fact so let us move on.
Isn’t local music awesome. At least MN local music. Listening to Polica, saw them yesterday was quite the cool...
19 tags
Batman
So it’s V day today and I usually post about the holidays so may as well now that I’m up. I’m like the Holiday killer only a lot less a batman character and a lot more some loser on the internet. So shall I go into my drowning loneliness on this Holiday or talk more about Batman?
I think they should make a Batman drama now. Take Christopher Nolan’s realistic Batman and...
7 tags
Twilight Update
Ok I am through Chapter 13 now but I am not sure how much longer I can read. It is so stupid and BOring. It’s the same thing. “I’m Bella I’m clumsy, Edward is gorgeous I don’t care if he’s a vampire.” “I’m Edward I like Bella because for some reason I can’t read her thoughts but I can every one elses. She is like no one else I have ever...
4 tags
Star Peace
How come drunken nights are always more fun? I’m beginning to think the bible was wrong about some things. But seriously a long time ago in a galaxy far far away you are telling me no other force users were wrecking shit up. I mean somebody would have been Voldemortin’ on some beach somewhere in some cave and some force users would have had an inkling to rise up. But if there is some...
14 tags
Twilight is in My Dreams Now...Oh No...I'm in Too...
So I actually had a dream involving Twilight last night pretty sweet huh? “Yeah for a girl.” Shut up head voice. Anyway it was pretty intense and way cooler than the normal twilight so check it. Edward is taking Bella on a date (pretty sweet already right?) But anyway he takes her to some warehouse but they treat it like a lookout point. And they are on some ledge and there are even...
January 2012
5 posts
11 tags
Forest Frank A One Act Play
Boy- I have a question
A little five year boy in the back of the group is raising his hand as they hike through forest path lead by a man with a paper bag, moustache, kerchief, and cowboy hat.
Forest Frank- What the shit now Billy?
Billy- Why do bears hibernate.
Forest Frank- Because bears get sleepy like everyone else but they only do it all at once.
Billy- Is that true?
Forest Frank- Oh course it's true! I'm the ranger aren't I?! Shouldn't I know?! Now stop asking questions or we won't make it back in time.
Rachel- Mr. Frank you could answer questions while we walk. That way we wouldn't get slowed down.
Forest Frank- Oh you think it's that easy do ya.
Forest Frank takes a drink from his paper bag while staring at Rachel with angry eyes.
Forest Frank- Well let me tell you something. One tour we tried that. A little girl just like you named Rachel.
Rachel- My name is Rachel.
Forest Frank- Is it really? I thought you were Diane.
Rachel- No.
Forest Frank- Well what a coincidence. So Rachel asks a question about trees or some bullshit but says we don't have to stop. So I'm talking and everybody is listening, and we're walking. But then some kids get distracted because they're listening to me, and we're making twice as much noise because we're walking and talking, and then...Then a pack of wolves come out of nowhere and eat little Rachel. Then they tell the rest of the class that's why you don't talk while you walk.
Billy- My dad teaches us lessons like that. He says someday when I watch Tested Melment I'll understand.
Forest Frank- Billy stopped talking nobody called on you. Who's your dad?
Lisa- I'm hungry.
Forest Frank- Hush Lisa don't interrrupt.
Billy- He's my dad.
Forest Frank- Well your dad sounds kinda cool. Does he get high?
Billy- What do you mean.
Forest Frank- Does he smoke pot?
Billy- You can't smoke a pot silly.
Rachel- Mr. Frank is a dumb poopy head.
Forest Frank- Rachel you shut up I'm not a dumb poopy head. And that's not what I meant Billy. I-
Dennis- Mr. Frank I'm tired. Can we go home now?
Forest Frank- Fine! you guys are all tired and hungry. Can't take a minute to talk in the woods. Can't bother to care about what I want. Well I'll tell you what if you little fucks think you can boss me around than think again because my police record has shown that nobody tells me what to do.
Dennis- But Mr. Frank
Forest Frank FINE! We'll get you fucking home. Follow me assholes.
And Forest Frank and his tour camp walked back to the drop off site, and everyone made it home safely.
9 tags
The Goblet of Movie
Harry Potter 4 the movie has some really terrible scenes. Did you know there are at least two camera shots that are from Mad Eye Moody’s mad eye. Two. The story is from Harry’s perspective first of all. Second of all they show Mad Eye looking at Harry which of course he is who else would he be looking at Director. What am I stupid and think he’s looking at Ron? No of course...
11 tags
Book Club Twilight
So I don’t have anything better to talk about than twilight so I’ll just continue. So I settled down a bit after that first chapter. Maybe It’s actually getting readable, maybe I just got lazy, or maybe I’m turning into a vampire loving fan girl I don’t know. But, I do know that it’s still awful as you know. Now I’m going to comment on more the story...
12 tags
Twilight 5: Tank Blog Mad
Haven’t blogged in forever. Well let us blame it on hibernation. I was asleep for like a month and before that I was on an on and off snooze where I didn’t post anything cool. So in my hibernation haze of Starcraft II, The Old Republic, The Name of the Wind, Bored to Death, Music, Work, and a lot more Batman than I’m used to (That is mostly comics but a little bit of Arkham...
10 tags
The Legend of the Ocarina of Time: The Zelda Movie
So I’m listening to an awesome version of gerudo valley which you can check out here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhHLmtwnw9k
And at first I got a dark knight vibe except there ain’t no dark knight to save the world just link. What if they made a fucking epic zelda movie. But all dark where Ganon is such a menace then link comes along with some help of some great fairies and...
December 2011
8 posts
3 tags
Forest Frank 2: Whiskey Blood
Forest Frank says bears always attack from their right so if you look to your right and see a bear you’re in trouble. Also if you look to your left and a bear is facing the other direction you will also be in trouble. In fact more trouble because she’s already got the jump on you and of course you would be standing in between her and her cub. Then what happens? The government gives you...
7 tags
Magic Justice 3
You know what the world needs, more Harry Potter. But they need to mix up the genre a little bit while still milking that universe for all it’s worth. I’m talking a buddy cop movie starring Harry Potter the greatest detective of all time and his bumbling sidekick Ronald Weasley. It starts out with some broom chase and they bust some random dude but break a lot of stuff while they do...
5 tags
Game of the Year
The year is soon coming to an end so I may as well blog about it. haven’t accomplished that much or really done anything and lately I haven’t even been blogging. so if you missed this follow me on twitter @TanklinAxell because lately I’ve actually started using it. Otherwise shit I’m sorry I got shit going on like video games. Which is what I’m going to sum this year...
6 tags
Superhero Chores
Where are superheroes doing their laundry because that shit has got to be dry clean only. And I dunno what fancy equipment dry cleaners use but like superman can’t afford that. Batman can buy whatever but what about the average super hero who just works as a reporter. So superman has got to have some issues with clean clothes.
“Just this red blanket…oh wait is this a...
13 tags
Captain's Tight Log
I love how captains are always saying they run pretty tight ships. I want to meet the loose ship captains. Granted most of them probably run gay cruise lines but there are probably straight ones too. Unless tight means a straight ship and loose means a gay one. Then all those captains are dumb.
“I run a pretty tight ship”
“Great your not gay whoop dee do now are my valuables...
4 tags
Worthless
Don’t you hate when you think of something really good in the moment and for some reason you’re too lazy to write it down. Because later you always forget it. You sit there thinking should I write down a word? Just like one word that can spark this whole thing again. Naw I got this. But you don’t got it man you never do, why are you fucking up.
Damnit last night I was watching...
6 tags
Best Game Ever
Have you ever gotten lost in an ocean documentary because holy shit are those relaxing and distracting. It’s not like Starcraft when you get lost in that you are wired stressed out and it’s awful just awful but you still spend three hours a day on that. But the oceans it’s like three hours go by but you want more. It’s like a vacation in your home. I should stop playing all...
5 tags
Tramp Stamp
I saw a pretty elegant tramp stamp of a colored peacock. It was big and went up the back a ways. I wonder what mothers with tramp stamps do. I wonder how many suburban milfs have tramp stamps that their kids don’t know about it. Man if some teenage boy had his friends over and they all saw his moms tramp stamp they’d never let that go. So ladies even though sometimes it can be a hot...
November 2011
18 posts
7 tags
Jedi Cribs
Did the jedi live at the Jedi temple or did they all have lush studio apartments? Or maybe they didn’t make that much and they all had little shitty apartments. Maybe being a jedi was more like being a mall cop. ‘You don’t make that much but it’s tons of fun, and you get to use the force and all. Pretty great.’ Granted there would always be some jedi who’d try...
3 tags
My Dr. Suess
Being sick can suck my dick.
When I am sick I will throw a brick
bricks sure hurt, just ask murt
especially if they hit your dick.
7 tags
Holiday History
Yet another holiday rolls by us. It’s thanksgiving this day. One of those sweet US only holiday that are just a good time. Sure on the fourth of July all we do is blow shit up and on Thanksgiving all we do is eat but what else should a holiday be about? Religion or some sort of good will towards the world? Bo-ring.
I wonder what it’s like to go to another country and celebrate some...
9 tags
Who the Fuck is Jorge Cloney?
Bart- Who the fuck is Jorge Cloney?
Steve- It's pronounced George Clooney asshole, and fuck you, you know who he is.
Bart- No I haven't. Who the fuck is he?
Steve- George Fucking Clooney that's who. He's been in tons of movies. He's like the most handsome man ever. We just watched Ocean's Eleven.
Bart- Who was he? The old Jewish guy?
Steve- No he was Danny Ocean. The main character.
Bart- I thought Brad Pitt was the main character.
Steve- No. Did you even pay attention for a second?
Bart- Oh he was DANNY Ocean. can't say I recognized him.
Steve- You live in a weird world.
Bart- Why
Steve- Probably because you can tell me who played Frank, Virgil, and Basher.
Bart- Well it's different if they are famous people like Bernie Mac, Casey Affleck and Don Cheadle.
Steve- Casey Affleck is not famous.
Bart- did you see Gone Baby Gone
Steve- No. What movie?
Bart- See man you're wasting your time with these Jorge nobodies you gotta look at the real talent.
Steve- It's George, and it's not my fault you know everyone in that movie except George Clooney, Julia Roberts, and Andy Garcia.
Bart- That it isn't. That is your fault sir. Have you even seen Drunk History Volume 5?
Steve- What is that who has seen it?
Bart- The world man. It's what the world does while you watch this old ass oceans' eleven movie with this old ass nobody that nobody knows anymore because the future is here and it's Don Cheadle.
Steve- how can you say that when you watch Star Wars all the time.
Bart- I don't see how that's relevant.
Steve- Star Wars is old and nobody cares about it anymore.
Bart- Then why do you know the names of every bounty hunter that ever hunted Han Solo in those movies?
Steve- I...don't.
Bart- No? So Greedo wasn't in your memory? No Boba Fett? Not even that human in those wraps?
Steve- No.
Bart- What was his name again, Dangle right?
Steve- It's Dengar
Bart- oh of course Dengar. Oh but what about that lizard dude. Probably something like Jerry right?
Steve- No damnit it's Bossk! And I know the nameless robot is IG-88 so stop this nonsense!
Bart- Nonsense it is not. An asshole you are being. Ashamed you should feel.
Steve- Well shit. I hate you Bart.
Bart- Hate you more I do.
Steve- I'm gonna eat your pizza.
Bart- My pizza you will not eat! Danger upon you will come! Hey seriously Steve don't touch my pizza! Hey Get out of there!
4 tags
Captain's Moustache Log
Growing a moustache is fun but with that moustache comes great responsibility. You see unlike your normal hair you have to wash the moustache and trim it so that it looks a perfect thing of beauty. Not to mention the fact you should wax it and style it so it looks as good as it can. Unfortunately the time and care put into the moustache is not always paired with a reward. Although most everyone...
electrickblue asked: The Devil's Advocate is a good movie to see villainous nature. It's best to see the movie without knowing practically anything about it. It is rated R, but it's a fantastic movie. Look it up on Netflix, or just rent it sometime. You may enjoy it.
3 tags
Don't let it snow
Why do I always like the villain characters in things? I think it’s because I like cheering for the underdog and obviously the good guys always win. I feel like somebody has got to cheer for the underdogs of the world seeing as how I am one. So yeah way to go villains, maybe someday you will kill batman and finally be able to destroy gothum like you always wanted. I wonder how many books are...
1 tag
STARCRAFT!
Starcraft 2 is awesome. Fuck real sports this is better. I’m saying once you know the rules of the game normal competitions are silly because why not watch two armies fight each other. Why have I watched Two Towers more than the other LOTR movies? Because there is an awesome battle scene. Guess what Two towers was a baneling bust that got countered with fully upgraded hellions. That’s...
I wish I could draw better. People say if you practice you’ll get better. I say that’s what I’ve been saying for the past ten months, but she always just slaps me saying she thought I was someone else. I’m like baby just give me another chance. She comes up with some excuse like she’s married, but I’m saying I can do it just like if you like all I need is some...
8 tags
Ken Marino is Awesome: The rest of the blog is...
Man I loooooove Ken Marino, I wish him the most happiest life ever because he is awesome and has brought me much joy through his television and movie characters. On that note I would also like to say I love the cast of Wet Hot American Summer, Especially the Stella crew because I love that show. But everyone in that movie is fucking awesome and they all deserve mad cred.
Also really want to say...
1 tag
Don't Ask Don't Tell (And no I'm not gay but just...
queue blocker
4 tags
I love Star Wars and so should you
Do kids these days care about star wars? I mean I love that shit but I was born in ‘89 so what about these late 90’s kids. I just hope over time there is a constant nerd generation that loves star wars otherwise what the fuck have I been paying attention too. Sure I love that universe but what if in 10 years nobody gives a fuck. I’ll be a 32 year old man talking about star wars...
3 tags
What?
I wonder what it was like to be popular in high school. Sure it may have given me overconfidence and an asshole attitude but I bet it was fun. But being a quiet nerd was fun too. I feel like I got to know the fewer people I knew that much more than those other people who really only knew each other on the shallow surface. But that can’t be right they were just the popular click but they were...
7 tags
Monsters Among Us
How can there be any hope in a world filled with spiders. There are literally spiders everywhere. Little monsters that creep around eating things smaller or relatively their size. It’s just a horrible thing. And sometimes you run across them and most of the time they just sit there on the wall (Yeah they can climb fucking walls!). Ugh. Have you noticed the freakiest aliens in movies look...
6 tags
Bear Americans: We Have The Right to Bear Arms and...
How hard can it be to win a Tony? I bet I could do it. Surprisingly I’d guess the Emmy is the kicker. Because sure the Oscar seems tough but all you need is the King’s Speech. Boom you win something. And the Grammys now that’s easier than a Tony. Just compose something for a show, done deal. Compose something for a play and that’s a two for one. But how could I get an emmy...
26 tags
Good Night America, Sleep Well
Did anybody else have the tradition of watching Nightmare Before Christmas on Christmas and Halloween. Because I think that was an awesome decision by my rents and I am going to stick with it if some demon ever allows my satan spawn to spread. Why not feel ghoulish at both holidays. Fuck the Grinch Jack Skellington is a much better villain/lovable character. Oh Tim Burton. Some of his shit is good...
7 tags
Too many nerdy thoughts in my head
When I hear the song too many dicks on the dance floor you know what I think. There are too many dicks on the dance floor. Sure it’s a Tuesday night so what girls are going clubbing anyway but every night has too many dicks. There is a reason there isn’t a song called too many vaginas on the dance floor. It’s because there is never enough. Even at a lesbian bar because clearly...
3 tags
Halloween...Was Yesterday
Remember how Halloween was yesterday. Normally I would have made a nice post in some celebration of the holiday but I just watched Dexter instead. So in light of that I’ll make some comments about Halloween.
First, Halloween shouldn’t be on a Monday. Children and adults both like to stay up late on Halloween. Just make it a thanksgiving deal like the last Thursday or Friday of...
October 2011
14 posts
Anonymous asked: IM me on Yahoo Msngr it's important. my username is wilsonneslerff121382
The Walking Dead... In Space
Walking dead is the shit. Gotta see Breaking Bad too though. AMC has some good original stories. Even those are the only two I know that’s still something. Why is that sherriff still wearing that sheriff’s hat though. Get over it buddy the world you once knew is gone. Sheriff hats just look silly without any authority so just knock it off.
I’m still amazed this zombie series...
7 tags
Hormones and STDs
People take pictures of weird things. Like this one picture comes up on my tumblr feed and it’s a person holding up a note card and the note card reads that by the age of 16, 80% of people will have already met who they will marry. Now I don’t know if 80% of people are creepy hounders who end up marrying kids they baby sat for or some shit like that, but obviously the case is hormones...