Superhero Chores
Where are superheroes doing their laundry because that shit has got to be dry clean only. And I dunno what fancy equipment dry cleaners use but like superman can’t afford that. Batman can buy whatever but what about the average super hero who just works as a reporter. So superman has got to have some issues with clean clothes.
“Just this red blanket…oh wait is this a cape?”
“*gasp* you shrunk this. My mother wrapped me in this when I was a child.”
“no we don’t shrink things. That must’ve been a small blanket you brought in.”
“does this look like a big enough cape for me to wear?”
“A Cape? Hey are you superman?”
“…fuck.”
Superman would have to kill that dude. And would he be above it. Dunno why superman has a moral conscious to protect this alien planet, but I think he wouldn’t mind killing folks to keep himself safe. But I’m sure thousands of people could easily disagree with basic superman knowledge.
But what about the chores the villains have to do. Like Killer Croc is a fucking monster, is he buying food at the grocery store or is he just eating rats in the sewer? And what’s Killer Croc’s secret identity Steve at Fed Ex. Then again not sure if Killer Croc has any loved ones to protect but the villains gotta get money somehow. Dunno why every low level gangster in Gotham takes orders from the weirdest mofos you know but I suppose they always get a cut. Makes no sense if I was a criminal why would I join a posse headed by a crazy man. I guess they put up a fight against batman so that’s promising as opposed to just getting stomped alone.
Why doesn’t everybody just sell weed. I’d be like fuck this batman shit he ain’t gonna bust so low leveled pot dealer. Little did he know that when he hears a knock on his door thinking it to be a customer it is batman. Dude just says, “really Batman the Joker and people are messing with bombs and stuff and you gonna bust me for possession.”
“it’s illegal.”
“So is being a vigilante just give me a break bro.”
“Damnit Dennis you could do so much more with your life.”
“You don’t even know me. And how the fuck do you know my name? You spying on me, do I need a batman restraining order?”
“Fuck you Dennis, I’m trying to help.”
“I hate you Batman. *tears*”
I hope that’s not a real comic because that would just be silly. Who cares about Batman trying to turn some kids life around I just want to see him bang cat woman. I mean bang the Joker. I meant fight the Joker. Well whatever both of those comics would sell better anyway especially the Joker one so I suppose someone should think about it?
