Forest Frank A One Act Play
- Boy- I have a question
- A little five year boy in the back of the group is raising his hand as they hike through forest path lead by a man with a paper bag, moustache, kerchief, and cowboy hat.
- Forest Frank- What the shit now Billy?
- Billy- Why do bears hibernate.
- Forest Frank- Because bears get sleepy like everyone else but they only do it all at once.
- Billy- Is that true?
- Forest Frank- Oh course it's true! I'm the ranger aren't I?! Shouldn't I know?! Now stop asking questions or we won't make it back in time.
- Rachel- Mr. Frank you could answer questions while we walk. That way we wouldn't get slowed down.
- Forest Frank- Oh you think it's that easy do ya.
- Forest Frank takes a drink from his paper bag while staring at Rachel with angry eyes.
- Forest Frank- Well let me tell you something. One tour we tried that. A little girl just like you named Rachel.
- Rachel- My name is Rachel.
- Forest Frank- Is it really? I thought you were Diane.
- Rachel- No.
- Forest Frank- Well what a coincidence. So Rachel asks a question about trees or some bullshit but says we don't have to stop. So I'm talking and everybody is listening, and we're walking. But then some kids get distracted because they're listening to me, and we're making twice as much noise because we're walking and talking, and then...Then a pack of wolves come out of nowhere and eat little Rachel. Then they tell the rest of the class that's why you don't talk while you walk.
- Billy- My dad teaches us lessons like that. He says someday when I watch Tested Melment I'll understand.
- Forest Frank- Billy stopped talking nobody called on you. Who's your dad?
- Lisa- I'm hungry.
- Forest Frank- Hush Lisa don't interrrupt.
- Billy- He's my dad.
- Forest Frank- Well your dad sounds kinda cool. Does he get high?
- Billy- What do you mean.
- Forest Frank- Does he smoke pot?
- Billy- You can't smoke a pot silly.
- Rachel- Mr. Frank is a dumb poopy head.
- Forest Frank- Rachel you shut up I'm not a dumb poopy head. And that's not what I meant Billy. I-
- Dennis- Mr. Frank I'm tired. Can we go home now?
- Forest Frank- Fine! you guys are all tired and hungry. Can't take a minute to talk in the woods. Can't bother to care about what I want. Well I'll tell you what if you little fucks think you can boss me around than think again because my police record has shown that nobody tells me what to do.
- Dennis- But Mr. Frank
- Forest Frank FINE! We'll get you fucking home. Follow me assholes.
- And Forest Frank and his tour camp walked back to the drop off site, and everyone made it home safely.
